We all evolve. Thank you Mr. Darwin

Charles Darwin once said, “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change”.

Change! Change can be terrifying or wonderful.  OR... change can be weird, awkward and hard to look at.

Trying to evolve.  Trying, failing and trying again.

I write of those terrible ugly years we all have to go through, "paying our dues".  (Although, we all know someone who miraculously seemed to avoid them, yes I am talking about you Missy D.) 

I have gone thru many phases of evolution throughout my life but, the best/worst were between the ages of 13 & 18.  The phases are as follows; The Cut-offs, The Grunge Year, The HipHop 70's era, the Retro attempt, and The Best of the Worst.

I didn’t feel the need to change myself until 8th grade, at the rotten age of 13. I had no control over my hair,  clothes that never fit right and  I was constantly stubbing my toes and getting my fingers pinched in doors.  What was wrong with me.

The Cut-Offs

1994/1995 8th Grade

I set out to try and establish myself as an individual.  So, 8th grade was the year of the cut-offs.  I wore a lot of jean shorts, that were at one point, long pants.  I like the hem to be frayed.  There was never a nice hem, just a ragged pair of short-pants cut about 2 inches above the knee.  Many of my shorts had one leg that was slightly longer than the other.  My pants came from 2 places: Walmart or one of the MANY garbage bags filled with hand-me-down clothes from family friends or from the unclaimed lost&found at our local high school.  I truly LOVED when the giant bags of hand-me-downs arrived.  It was so fun.  My sisters and I would empty the bags onto the living room floor and sift!  Since the pants were never in the current style, my solution was to make shorts!  Cut-off of jeans, khakis and even corduroy! 

This was also the year, where I did a lot of pen art on my shoes.  All of my shoes were name brand look-a-likes from Payless.  I really wanted a pair of Converse, but the poorly constructed, multicolored,  Payless imitation  was my only option.

I secretly liked the Backstreet Boys and Ace of Base... but, openly felt that it was much cooler to like serious rock music.  (even though I didn’t really care for it)

Between 8th grade and my first year of highschool I set out to be a much tougher character.  This was to be the year of grunge rock.  My Oldest brother John was a grunge rock fan and I felt that this was the right move for my next evolution.  

The Grunge Year

You can't tell... but, in this picture I am wearing a sleeveless flannel shirt over a baggy t-shirt.  (Yes, a sleeveless  flannel shirt.)   I had cut the sleeves off after  watching "The Sandlot" movie.  The character Bennie wore a sleeveless flannel shirt, I figured that it was a wise style move.

The cut off jeans stayed.  Added to them were t-shirts that were way to big, saggy backpack, hemp neclaces and flannel, so much flannel.  The kind of flannel that Kurt Cobain would wear.  Layers of grungy clothes and ugly lifeless hair.  This was probably the low point of my youth.  

I started to take on a grungy personality.  I was great at acting out the part.  For a 14 year old it was easy! Nobody understands me.  Nobody appreciates me.  Nobody cares.  

(I still secretly liked the Backstreet Boys and Ace of Base... And, I had a secret notebook filled with sketches of princess ball gowns.)  

The HipHop 70's Era

Sophmore year started out wild.  This was when I really started to feel "cool".  I went to my first concert.  I attended it with my brother and some of his friends.  It was the Smokin Grooves Tour. This concert included Busta Rhymes, The Fugees, Cypress Hill and Ziggy Marley.  This was my first really “eye opening” experience.  

Attention Mom : Do not read the following!!

This was the first time I ever saw people openly smoking pot.  At one point, I nervously smiled at a very large adult man whom I was standing next to, he responded by blowing (a funny smelling) smoke into my face.   Also, one of the bands brought a 6ft bong on stage. Everybody cheered,  I wasn’t sure why... but I cheered too.  ((I had no idea what a bong was)) 

I tried bangs that year.  Like the rest of my hair, I had very little control over them.  They mostly ended up being parted down the middle and shooting off in opposite directions.  I wore a lot of polyester.  The jean shorts were no longer being worn.  I had more of a 70’s attire.  I also wore my dad’s military jacket to school regularly.  I am not sure why.  My brother David brought me to the world of HipHop and Rap!  

(Secretly listening to Britney Spears, Ace of Base and the Backstreet Boys.  Still making sketches of big fluffy dresses and spending a lot of time in front of the mirror working on my smile for when I won the Miss America pageant)

The Retro Attempt

No braces!  

Before my Junior year,  I became good friends with Vivian.  She introduced me to the art of thrift store shopping.    Vivian and I established a massive shared closet of unique pieces of attire.  This was the retro year.  Lots of 60’s  & 70's attire.    

I started to take control of my hair.  I used lots of bobby pins, hairspray, clips and rubber bands.  

This was the year of Ska music.  Oh, how I loved it.  It was the first new genre of music that I really liked, openly.  Vivian and I would dress up and attend ska shows all over town.  We would dance, really dance.  So fun.  When I think back on my youth, this is the time that I actually miss.  I would love to relive it.  

The Best of the Worst

For my Senior year, I took all of the good parts of the previous years and combined them into my last highschool evolution.  For the first time in my life I felt kind-of confident.   I didn't hide the fact that I liked the Backstreet Boys anymore and I took on a girly tomboy look.  I would wear a polo shirts and khaki pants with a flowery headband. I was happy.  I felt like myself and not a character in a play.



So, in conclusion:
If you are a parent, don't freak out when your daughter dresses like a boy her freshman year.  Don't overreact when she tries to express herself by wearing a fishing hat, a skirt she made from an old pillow case, and thrift store t-shirt from a stranger's softball team.  Don't worry if she wears your old military jacket that is 4 sizes to big, focus on the fact that she won't be cold today.  Don't be concerned when she acts mentally unstable for a few days each month. You might ask if it is her "time of the month" and she will angrily mutter NO!  Just know that she is lying.  IT IS!  

We all have to go through this time.  It is terrible but, we all come out better in the end.  I was lucky to have parents who didn't freak out.  I think they knew that I evolving, and like a butterfly emerging from her polyester cocoon, I couldn't be helped.  They let me dye my hair, wear my plaid pants, and skateboard.  I was lucky.

I can only remember one time that my mom intervened before I left the house.  She said, "Lisa, you looked odd enough without the hat"  She was right.   

This is not where my evolutions ended, but it is where this blog post is going to end.